June came our referral for Tobias Seong-Bin Kim. November was anticipated travel time. We were originally heartbroken to find out we were one of the first families in 2010 to get stuck after a quota was hit for emigration permits issued. We now see clearly that God gave us this time to negotiate for and move into a better space for 5. Our original plan was that po-po and gong-gong would be able to care for Shayne and Norah during our trip to Korea. Even with the assurance that the girls would be well taken care of and loved, I worried about the level of energy required for my aging parents to deal with the day-in and day-out with energetic 3 year old twins. We prayed about this often.
As 2010 ended, we knew it was a matter of weeks, maybe days before the emigration process got rolling towards a travel call.
We started to consider different options for bringing this little darling home. Neither of us HAD to travel as we could have paid an escort to bring him safely to LAX. Deep in my heart, I knew that I wanted to travel. And I wanted to travel with Cameron. We knew very little about this little prince. All I knew was that so many unknowns could best be dealt with as a team. We prayed that we would be wise with our choices about care for Shayne and Norah. For a while, Cam wanted me to travel alone - the social and cautious side of me wants him to come along. Then, he said he'd travel alone. The mommy side of me wants to be there to soak in all the "moments" that come with Gotcha Day. So I've convinced him (with some whining) that we will go together.
We're so torn about leaving S and N for an extended period of time. My mom has asked that we make arrangements other than having them come care for the girls as she's had a series of other medical issues subsequent to her shingles outbreak. Too weak to handle crazed twins for a week or more. So, we were talking about hiring a nanny for about 10 days...are we insane? To hire someone fresh to the girls to house, dog, twin toddler-sit for a week and a half?
Then, popped in Holly. She'd overheard my conversation with my friend at church while coming in for a hug as she greeted us. She's mentioned that she'd possibly be free...she'd set an end date for her current job, and that she was looking for work. I come to find out that this wonderful, energetic, intelligent young lady happened to be looking for some work to fund her trip to Europe in May.
Then, came the travel call! We were set to leave sometime early February. This timing was truly a God thing. If our travel call had come any later, Holly would be occupied with her tutoring position. Then, off to Europe!
So, the arrangements began...and it is clear that God had been preparing Holly for us all along. How amazing!
I didn't have my first break down about missing them until we were well into the air on our flight to Korea. After the whirl-wind of preparations, it finally hit me...we would be gone longer than we'd ever been since we brought the girls home. I couldn't bear thinking of how much I'd miss them each day. Cameron looked at my puffy face and just shook his head. I know he's crying inside too. Why else would he be holding that newspaper so high up other than to cover his emotions.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Last days in Korea
Today is our last full day in Korea. We are excited and nervous about the long ride home tomorrow morning. Toby has been an absolute joy. His laughs are rewarding to us and our efforts to entertain him and bond with him. His pasty white, fuzzy cheeks easily bring smiles to stern commuters in the subway. Young ladies everywhere can't help but stop, swoon and sing to him "Ahhh!! Gui yepuda!" "Oh my!!! He's so cute!" they say. Tobias is very interested in pretty young ladies. Though I attribute his excessive drooling to teething, he's conveniently dolloped a few gooey ones right when a sweet young thang walks by and makes baby noises at him.
We were told that he slept with his foster parents, a common practice in Korea. It's obvious he likes to snuggle and is easily soothed by touch. As he tries to sleep, he loves to touch your face, the skin on your arms. His favorite head nest sits right between Cameron's arm and armpit. His favorite footrest is right on my belly.
The first night with him was heartbreaking. His sweet smile turned upside down and he cried hard for his "umma", his name for his foster mother. He would turn his head around the room trying to find familiarity. He would crawl out of bed in his delirium holding onto furniture and walking his way to any light or noise as he gasped for air from fits of sobbyin. We sat in bed, watching his every move to make sure he didn't get hurt, and tried to comfort him with words. He would finally surrender and ask to be brought back into bed. He'd then turn and spin, flip and curl unable to find a soothing position, all the while crying an angry cry. Though un-consolable, we knew that this was part of the process of healthy bonding. Shayne and Norah did this differently, and Toby would find his way as well.
Each night has gotten progressively better. He's made amazing leaps and bounds in the few nights we've had with him. Being a novice co-sleeper, I find myself pushing his wriggly toes away from my body at night. Instead of crying, he now giggles and puts his feet right back into my hip or belly settling himself into daddy's arms on the other end. He wakes up once or twice, but sits in bed to play instead of mourn. We are so grateful that God has allowed his little heart to find comfort in us. He loves to look for mommy while I'm getting ready in the bathroom. He loves to be held by daddy's strong arms when he's tired.
He's been walking for only about a week, and finds little motivation to as he loves to be held. This little guy is happy in the Ergo tight up against mommy for hours! He'll sight see, nap, snack, laugh all in one position and perfectly comfortably. It's obvious he's been raised the Korean way - tied tightly up against "umma". Coddled. I could go into a whole rant about Korean boys and coddling, but I shall not. For as a mommy to a little Korean boy, I now find it rewarding and understand why it's done.
We were told that he slept with his foster parents, a common practice in Korea. It's obvious he likes to snuggle and is easily soothed by touch. As he tries to sleep, he loves to touch your face, the skin on your arms. His favorite head nest sits right between Cameron's arm and armpit. His favorite footrest is right on my belly.
The first night with him was heartbreaking. His sweet smile turned upside down and he cried hard for his "umma", his name for his foster mother. He would turn his head around the room trying to find familiarity. He would crawl out of bed in his delirium holding onto furniture and walking his way to any light or noise as he gasped for air from fits of sobbyin. We sat in bed, watching his every move to make sure he didn't get hurt, and tried to comfort him with words. He would finally surrender and ask to be brought back into bed. He'd then turn and spin, flip and curl unable to find a soothing position, all the while crying an angry cry. Though un-consolable, we knew that this was part of the process of healthy bonding. Shayne and Norah did this differently, and Toby would find his way as well.
Each night has gotten progressively better. He's made amazing leaps and bounds in the few nights we've had with him. Being a novice co-sleeper, I find myself pushing his wriggly toes away from my body at night. Instead of crying, he now giggles and puts his feet right back into my hip or belly settling himself into daddy's arms on the other end. He wakes up once or twice, but sits in bed to play instead of mourn. We are so grateful that God has allowed his little heart to find comfort in us. He loves to look for mommy while I'm getting ready in the bathroom. He loves to be held by daddy's strong arms when he's tired.
He's been walking for only about a week, and finds little motivation to as he loves to be held. This little guy is happy in the Ergo tight up against mommy for hours! He'll sight see, nap, snack, laugh all in one position and perfectly comfortably. It's obvious he's been raised the Korean way - tied tightly up against "umma". Coddled. I could go into a whole rant about Korean boys and coddling, but I shall not. For as a mommy to a little Korean boy, I now find it rewarding and understand why it's done.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
giggles galore
It is day 4 since Gotcha Day and we haven't had much time to sit down at the computer to write any of our experiences down. And it's because there's so much to eat in Seoul! Cameron and I have had a great time gaining weight while schlepping around this Giggle Machine we call Toby.
I'll start a little back-story that leads us to Wednesday. Our friends, D and J received a referral for their baby J shortly after we got our referral for Toby. His visa physical was scheduled for the day before our Gotcha Day, so at the suggestion of D and J, we went to the Holt office to ask if we could see him. What a gift, as we got to hold him and experience him for just a few minutes. We had the wonderful opportunity to meet his foster mother. Little J was full of smiles and we got to send some pictures home to his forever family. I almost broke out in tears while holding little J, as I knew that within 24 hours, we'd finally meet his buddy, our baby, Tobias.
Our appointment to meet Toby was scheduled for 1:30 Thursday afternoon. For lunch, we went to a cafe we spotted the day before. Dukbokki soup was their special draw. This delightful play on traditional Korean spicy rice cake is served up as a soupy mouthful of flavor. Along with the dukbokki, they served up squid, japchae rolled in seaweed, shrimp all battered and fried to a perfect heart attack invoking crisp. We followed other patrons by dipping the deep fried yummies into the sweet and spicy soup. As we devoured 3000 calories of snack, we realized that we weren't exercising very responsible actions as parents to 3 toddlers. What kind of judgement would be cast upon us if we'd been blessed with three of the most lovely babies in the world, then ingested a suicide snack just before returning from Korea? Well, we said a quick prayer before we swallowed our last bite and walked around the corner for our long-awaited 1:30 meeting. So far, no heart attack, just a little more to the spare tires we've been lugging around;)
Finally, it's Thursday. 1:30 pm and we're standing at the Holt office trying not to look so eager, but we're both fidgety, needing to go pee, wondering why we feel like we've forgotten something. I mean, my goodness, I've done this before. With twins! And as Cameron and I converse, we both keep realizing the numerous things we didn't remember to bring from home. Cameron asked me, "Geesh, did you forget how to be a mommy?" And yes, I really think I've lost my mind. But the excitement and joy of finally meeting Toby seems to have drained my mind of all mommy sense. Oh well, we'll figure it out as we go.
Ms. You, our social worker in Korea call us into a meeting room. I walk in first. Foster daddy is holding Toby, who's smiling. Hand to mouth and my vision gets blurry as I'm welling up with tears. Then, I see that I'm not alone. Foster mommy, daddy and brother are there and though they welcome us with warm smiles and bows, it's apparent that they've done their share of crying. Teary eyed, we all sit down and converse about the beautiful little boy who's soon to be in our arms. Foster mommy shares with us that this is her 15th foster child! Though she's done this many times, they've never had a child for as long as they've had Seong-Bin (his Korean name). Because of this, they've grown especially attached, which is one reason why one of his foster brothers chose to come say 'goodbye' today. Hearing this makes me sob. We ask questions about his feeding, sleeping, play habits, development. We thank the foster family for the love they showed to our son and our gratefulness to them for bringing him up to be healthy.
Throughout the conversation, Toby adds in generously with giggles and smiles. He is a happy baby. Ms. You attests that he has a particularly good personality and exhibits very little stranger anxiety.
After the formal talks, Toby's foster dad insists that he give us a ride back to the hotel. Ms. You is tactful and tells us in English that it's our choice whether to accept this ride, but that she believes we should decline as it will make saying 'goodbye' more difficult for the family he's known for the last 13 months.
We heed her urging and tell them that we'd hoped to walk around town a little bit before returning to the hotel, but thank you greatly for your offer. Foster daddy says great news! He's a taxi driver and he can drive us to see some famous sites before returning to the hotel. Ms. You is gracious and Cameron, recognizing that Korean custom would dictate that we accept, finally says we'll happily oblige. Really, we didn't have a whole lot of choice as foster dad was already taking our bags ready to load them into his trunk.
And we are so grateful. During that hour, I got to see Toby's foster mommy coo. It was apparent that she enjoyed the extra time to say 'goodbye' to this darling. Foster dad enjoyed showing us a historical part of town then driving us up a big mountain to a beautiful view of Seoul. She tells Cameron how thankful she is that we traveled to meet our baby. Of the 15 babies she's fostered, only 3 parents have come to Korea. Other international adopting families have chosen to have their baby escorted, which seems to rob her the opportunity to meet the forever family. Though she holds no bitterness, she does express to us that meeting us has given her peace of mind and a restful heart.
We arrive at the hotel and with smiling Toby in arms, we bow low, we thank them again. Despite our eagerness to run to our room to enjoy our newfound joy, we do, as Ms. You predicted, have a hard time saying 'goodbye'.
I'll start a little back-story that leads us to Wednesday. Our friends, D and J received a referral for their baby J shortly after we got our referral for Toby. His visa physical was scheduled for the day before our Gotcha Day, so at the suggestion of D and J, we went to the Holt office to ask if we could see him. What a gift, as we got to hold him and experience him for just a few minutes. We had the wonderful opportunity to meet his foster mother. Little J was full of smiles and we got to send some pictures home to his forever family. I almost broke out in tears while holding little J, as I knew that within 24 hours, we'd finally meet his buddy, our baby, Tobias.
Our appointment to meet Toby was scheduled for 1:30 Thursday afternoon. For lunch, we went to a cafe we spotted the day before. Dukbokki soup was their special draw. This delightful play on traditional Korean spicy rice cake is served up as a soupy mouthful of flavor. Along with the dukbokki, they served up squid, japchae rolled in seaweed, shrimp all battered and fried to a perfect heart attack invoking crisp. We followed other patrons by dipping the deep fried yummies into the sweet and spicy soup. As we devoured 3000 calories of snack, we realized that we weren't exercising very responsible actions as parents to 3 toddlers. What kind of judgement would be cast upon us if we'd been blessed with three of the most lovely babies in the world, then ingested a suicide snack just before returning from Korea? Well, we said a quick prayer before we swallowed our last bite and walked around the corner for our long-awaited 1:30 meeting. So far, no heart attack, just a little more to the spare tires we've been lugging around;)
Finally, it's Thursday. 1:30 pm and we're standing at the Holt office trying not to look so eager, but we're both fidgety, needing to go pee, wondering why we feel like we've forgotten something. I mean, my goodness, I've done this before. With twins! And as Cameron and I converse, we both keep realizing the numerous things we didn't remember to bring from home. Cameron asked me, "Geesh, did you forget how to be a mommy?" And yes, I really think I've lost my mind. But the excitement and joy of finally meeting Toby seems to have drained my mind of all mommy sense. Oh well, we'll figure it out as we go.
Ms. You, our social worker in Korea call us into a meeting room. I walk in first. Foster daddy is holding Toby, who's smiling. Hand to mouth and my vision gets blurry as I'm welling up with tears. Then, I see that I'm not alone. Foster mommy, daddy and brother are there and though they welcome us with warm smiles and bows, it's apparent that they've done their share of crying. Teary eyed, we all sit down and converse about the beautiful little boy who's soon to be in our arms. Foster mommy shares with us that this is her 15th foster child! Though she's done this many times, they've never had a child for as long as they've had Seong-Bin (his Korean name). Because of this, they've grown especially attached, which is one reason why one of his foster brothers chose to come say 'goodbye' today. Hearing this makes me sob. We ask questions about his feeding, sleeping, play habits, development. We thank the foster family for the love they showed to our son and our gratefulness to them for bringing him up to be healthy.
Throughout the conversation, Toby adds in generously with giggles and smiles. He is a happy baby. Ms. You attests that he has a particularly good personality and exhibits very little stranger anxiety.
After the formal talks, Toby's foster dad insists that he give us a ride back to the hotel. Ms. You is tactful and tells us in English that it's our choice whether to accept this ride, but that she believes we should decline as it will make saying 'goodbye' more difficult for the family he's known for the last 13 months.
We heed her urging and tell them that we'd hoped to walk around town a little bit before returning to the hotel, but thank you greatly for your offer. Foster daddy says great news! He's a taxi driver and he can drive us to see some famous sites before returning to the hotel. Ms. You is gracious and Cameron, recognizing that Korean custom would dictate that we accept, finally says we'll happily oblige. Really, we didn't have a whole lot of choice as foster dad was already taking our bags ready to load them into his trunk.
And we are so grateful. During that hour, I got to see Toby's foster mommy coo. It was apparent that she enjoyed the extra time to say 'goodbye' to this darling. Foster dad enjoyed showing us a historical part of town then driving us up a big mountain to a beautiful view of Seoul. She tells Cameron how thankful she is that we traveled to meet our baby. Of the 15 babies she's fostered, only 3 parents have come to Korea. Other international adopting families have chosen to have their baby escorted, which seems to rob her the opportunity to meet the forever family. Though she holds no bitterness, she does express to us that meeting us has given her peace of mind and a restful heart.
We arrive at the hotel and with smiling Toby in arms, we bow low, we thank them again. Despite our eagerness to run to our room to enjoy our newfound joy, we do, as Ms. You predicted, have a hard time saying 'goodbye'.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
EP submitted 1/4/2011, EP approved 1/14?, Visa physical appointment 1/26, Travel call 1/31 !!!!!
I cannot believe it. This baby brother that Shayne and Norah were quickly becoming disenchanted with (as they thought it was pretty lame to have a baby brother that was only a picture on the computer) is finally coming home!!! We are asked by the agency to make travel arrangements to be in Korea no later than 7-10 days from travel call. Seriously, who can square away life with work and twin toddlers in 7-10 days? The agency then advised us to delay travel by about a week so as to avoid the hassle of closures due to the Lunar New Year (2/3/2011). Using mileage points from my parents has also limited our travel dates somewhat and delayed our trip until 2/13. Though we can't grab onto lil' T soon enough, we are relieved to have the extra time.
So, the last few months, we've entered into numerous stressful discussions about who would care for Shayne and Norah as we travel to meet Tobers. You travel alone. No, I travel alone. No I'll travel with a friend. No, we have to go together. How about we just bring girls with us? They're too young. How about we just pick the escort option and pick him up at LAX? Maybe my parents will stay with the girls, we hire a babysitter to come bathe them and house-keep some?
So, grandma and grandpa had lovingly agreed that they would stay with the girls when it would be time to travel to Korea. Unfortunately, grandma was hit with shingles about 4 months ago. Her energy is still far to low to contend with 3 year old twin toddlers. Grandpa needs to spend most of his time caring for grandma and picking up the slack around the house.
Then, God gave us Holly. I'll write more about dear Holly in a later post, but she is the darling that will be caring for and loving our girls while we go to Korea for about 8 days. The girls are ecstatic. I have random fits of hysteria as I imagine leaving my girls for so long a period. But our great God knows what each of us needs and I know that they will be OK.
I cannot believe it. This baby brother that Shayne and Norah were quickly becoming disenchanted with (as they thought it was pretty lame to have a baby brother that was only a picture on the computer) is finally coming home!!! We are asked by the agency to make travel arrangements to be in Korea no later than 7-10 days from travel call. Seriously, who can square away life with work and twin toddlers in 7-10 days? The agency then advised us to delay travel by about a week so as to avoid the hassle of closures due to the Lunar New Year (2/3/2011). Using mileage points from my parents has also limited our travel dates somewhat and delayed our trip until 2/13. Though we can't grab onto lil' T soon enough, we are relieved to have the extra time.
So, the last few months, we've entered into numerous stressful discussions about who would care for Shayne and Norah as we travel to meet Tobers. You travel alone. No, I travel alone. No I'll travel with a friend. No, we have to go together. How about we just bring girls with us? They're too young. How about we just pick the escort option and pick him up at LAX? Maybe my parents will stay with the girls, we hire a babysitter to come bathe them and house-keep some?
So, grandma and grandpa had lovingly agreed that they would stay with the girls when it would be time to travel to Korea. Unfortunately, grandma was hit with shingles about 4 months ago. Her energy is still far to low to contend with 3 year old twin toddlers. Grandpa needs to spend most of his time caring for grandma and picking up the slack around the house.
Then, God gave us Holly. I'll write more about dear Holly in a later post, but she is the darling that will be caring for and loving our girls while we go to Korea for about 8 days. The girls are ecstatic. I have random fits of hysteria as I imagine leaving my girls for so long a period. But our great God knows what each of us needs and I know that they will be OK.
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